And the greatest of these is Love

Last night right after I arrived my parents to pick up CJ, a truck pulled in the driveway behind me. It was Uncle K- my dad's brother. Now I haven't seen Uncle K in two years and 5 months. I know this because the last time was at Grandma's funeral, less than a month before CJ was born. My dad was executor of my grandparent's estate (they passed away less than two months apart) and jealousy over money reared its ugly head in a vicious way with my uncles. I'm positive it was spearheaded by the oldest brother "J" and uncle K was sucked in or whatever. They accused my dad of hiding money from them and not splitting it fairly. Now my grandfather's will give all the control to my dad as to what to do. He didn't have to give them a cent. And without a shadow of a doubt I can say my dad didn't do what they accused him of. He isn't perfect by any stretch but he is honest.  My dad is the youngest, by quite a bit. He's a late in life baby. Grandma thought she was going through menopause and turned up pregnant. As most people realize your last child is different from your first. Through time and experience you raise them differently, even if you don't mean to. My dad was the ultimate "baby" of the family. He was spoiled rotten.  It seems that 50 years later his oldest brother still couldn't let that go. Being the first son of my grandfather probably wasn't easy. My grandfather was the oldest of nine kids; he grew up on a farm in rural TN during the depression. His parents died when he was a newlywed and five siblings came to live with him & his new wife.  Then he was drafted into the army and sent to war. Life was hard. I can imagine he was a tough cookie. I also imagine he may have fathered in a way that I would disagree with.  Dad used to tell me the grandfather I knew wasn't the same man who raised them. He was the product of his time/experiences. We all are.

Sadly, "J" has allowed his childhood to taint his entire existence. He's always been a bitter/angry man. The day my grandfather passed away he asked my mom what she was going to do with her inheritance. Naturally, she was appalled. The thought hadn't crossed her mind-the man wasn't cold yet. He said he was looking forward to building his custom house in the country.  I couldn't believe the callousness at the death of his father. He was drunk during the wake.  My father told him not to show up at the funeral if he was drunk. He managed to arrive sober. In the two years since he had to have half his stomach removed because of bleeding. And his liver is shot. This is what holding on to bitterness, anger, resentment gets you- Old, miserable and alone in your custom built house.  The only person he's damaging is himself. Doesn't seem like a way to live- in my humble opinion.

When Uncle K arrived at the back door last night my mom answered. Dad was lounging w/ CJ watching television. Uncle K asked my mom if he was welcome here. And she responded, "Of course you are. Get in here."  I hugged him and we spoke of my kids briefly. He'd never seen CJ & I introduced them. I told CJ that it was his Uncle K. I had to leave to go pick up WC. We said our goodbyes. This morning I asked Mom what he wanted.  He wanted to make amends and see everyone. He's on the list for a heart transplant.  He's been morbidly obese (medically) for a number of years. Years ago he had a heart attack, which caused him to quit smoking. And for a while seemed to watch diet and take care of him. He appears to have backslidden a bit over the past few years. It happens to the best of us, I suppose.

Mom lamented she wished they'd ("J" & Uncle K) would find Christ. I'm thinking that Uncle K coming back over and them welcoming him in and showing him love and forgiveness for the past is huge testimony. She doesn't realize that her actions spoke volumes. I hoping the open dialog can continue and they forge a new relationship and continue to show him the love of Christ through their actions. Maybe even "J" will come back around. Doubtful. We can still pray for him anyway.

Me vs. Wasp

There isn't a lot out there that I'm afraid of. Bugs, spiders, snakes and even the occasional mouse that would get into our ground floor rental didnt leave me standing on a chair in hysterics. But wasps, on the other hand, freak me out. They fly, have stingers and are quick to anger. I understand that they are not some super evil stinging machine- but this goes into that little pocket of irrationality that exists some where in everyone's mind. Some people have more things crammed into that pocket than others. Wasps are one thing in mine.

Yesterday I'd spent my day home with my boys. After WC's test, we went home and played, lunch, CJ went down for nap. WC and I picked up. He washed the sippy cups in the sink. Then CJ woke up and they went about play. I'd been in the office working on photo's then went back into the kitchen to make them dinner. When I heard it. Buzzing. In the window, trapped between the blinds & the glass- A Wasp- on the inside of my house. In the house with me & my babies. I immediately call Jay. He's still a half an hour away. He tells me to kill it. After all he swats wasps out of the air w/ his hand & then steps on them. Seriously- that would mean I'd have to get close. He tells me to wad up a paper towel & smash it. Was he listening to himself? Nothing between me & a wasp stinger but paper- Man's gone mad. And then what if I miss. Then I have a pissed off wasp coming after me. Use a fly swatter- he tells me. But then I'd have to raise the blinds & risk the thing being loose inside the house. I might wet myself. He was of no help- so I hung up. After I pep talk myself- buck up, be a woman not a wuss. I have to keep it away from my kids. I creep closer to the window & lower the blinds all the way & close them- to hopefully better entrap it. I go back to the office and locate the largest hard bound book I could find- Zondervan's Exhaustive Concordance- about five thousand pages (yes I know- I'm crazy). Return to the kitchen. The wasp is madly beating itself against the window and the blinds. It lands on the inside of the blinds and I watch it crawl around. It appeared as though it was about to crawl between the slats when I slammed it through the blinds with the end of the book. When it occurred to me that the pages were inset a little bit- so I'm only squashing it w/ a little bit of the book. I look & sure enough I have the thing trapped across the midsection to the glass- the blinds have parted and the little bastard's looking at me. So I tilt the book slightly then slam the cover of the book over finishing him off. I dont stop pushing on the book for a minute- I want to make sure when I pull the book away he doesnt come after me (yes, I am crazy). I call Jay to tell him my triumph against the evil wasp and he says to me, "Did you really think it could sting you through a thinner hard bound book?"

Just take away my victory man, take away my victory.

Getting Ready for Kindergarten

I purposely havent written in a while because I usually have to email my posts and I didnt want my prayer request for Michele to get buried. It needed to be on top. Today I happen to be at home and have placed my prayer request over on the right side.
Today WC goes for his Kindergarten placement test- we need to leave in about 45 min. We went school shopping Saturday. This was the tax free weekend for the state of TN. Sales tax isnt charged on things likes clothes (articles under $100), supplies needed for school and computers under a certain $ (not printers though). We racked up. I went to a local clothing retailer- every item purchased was on sale, I had a 20% off coupon & no sales tax. It was a blessing and an amazing budget saver. None of his pants from last year fit in length- waist wise he was fine but boys dont wear Capri's. Luckily I found several pants w/ adjustable waist. YAY! Best things ever.
Then to Target for school supplies. Found everything- except 16 count crayons. That's right the list from the school had 4 boxes of 16 count crayons. Why 4 boxes? Why 16 count? I dont know but they weren't there. 4 stores later- I find one box of 16- at the grocery store.
He picked out his back pack-favorite color green & lunch box-Transformers (of course). Now when I went to school the lunch box was metal (later plastic) & it came w/ a thermos on the inside. Education for mommy- they no longer come w/ the thermos. Those are separate & cost an arm & a leg for the character one your kid wants. WC walked around the store wearing his back pack & carrying the lunch box. He received quite the attention & told numerous people he was going to Kindergarten- but not today.
I can't believe it's already here. Kindergarten. It seemed such a long way away when we purchased our house 5 years ago- down the street from a good school. At the time it seemed like it would be forever before our little guy would go there. I think we were considered by some to be quite nuts for already considering his school- at 9 months old. But it has really been a blip.
I've been okay about it. Thought I was ready. But the closer it gets- next Monday- the harder its going to be (on me) he'll be fine.

Pray For Michele

My dearest friend Michele is in need of prayers. Please lift her up:
http://mylifeafterloss.blogspot.com

Unexpected Day Home

After a week off, I was back at work for two days and now I'm gone again. Yesterday morning my sister began experiencing abdominal pain- the kind that makes one double over. She went to her primary doc who ended up sending her to a gyno. It was a trip that would end in the ER last night and an emergency appendectomy around midnight. She came through with flying colors and is being released this morning. I spoke to my mom around 9:30 this morning and she said that even though she'd been up most of the night I could still bring CJ and go on in to work. But she also kept telling me the same things repeatedly and sounded very drowsy. I decided she really needed to rest today. Not that I mind being home- but I also dont want to burn another vacation day- less to have at Christmas. But with my sister coming home from the hospital- I figure they could both use a quiet house for the day. At the end of August CJ is scheduled to start three days a week the same preschool program WC has gone to since he was two. So it will be slightly freeing not to have to miss work if mom can't care for CJ- at least on Mon, Wed or Fri.
Tomorrow is test day for the aquarium. I picked up one of the big master test kits- touted on the Fish Lore website as being more accurate than the strips. I'm going to experiment and test w/ both and see how the results on the strip compare with the big kahuna. I practiced last night using the PH test on my tap water and discovered my tap water is very alkaline. I'm interested to see how it compares with the tank water. I'll be testing PH, Ammonia, Nitrite and Nitrate. And I'm hoping the beneficial bacteria has successfully seeded in the aquarium. Fingers crossed. If all readings are appropriate I'm supposed to wait a week before changing water- if not I'll have to start changes immediately.

Back to Reality

Today, I'm back to working in my cubicle. It was a nice break. I hated to come back. I do wish last week was my reality every day. And this August it should have been. I was supposed to quit this August- stay home with CJ and take WC back and forth to kindergarten. But life hasnt worked out the way we planned. Jay's pay has been cut. Which in itself isn't the sole reason why I can't quit. It's the health insurance. We can't afford his employers health insurance- especially on one income. Mine is affordable and good. His would make it impossible to take the kids to the doctor because we'd have to pay out of pocket the entire cost of every visit until we hit the deductible of like $6k on top of paying $500 a month in premium. In weighing the pro's and con's- I feel its in their best interest to have health care that doesnt force us to choose whether or not to eat or what bills to pay. We run a tight enough budget weekly as is. I dont think either of them suffer from me working. It's totally selfish of me. I want to see them more than just a few hours in the evening. It was difficult for me to drop CJ off this morning. He loves his grandmother- so he was fine with it. Again, it's totally me.

We ended our week at home together by buying fish for our new tank. We now own 8: 4 black neon tetras and 4 black skirt tetras. I got impatient waiting for the tank to cycle. I discovered the product called cycle that i added would not reproduce on its own in the tank & I would have to add it for the life of the tank- else my cycle would crash and in the end cost more money. So I found some Tetra SafeStart. This stuff is supposed to introduce the beneficial bacteria in the tank and reproduce on its own. You add it and the fish. In a week to ten days test the water & see if it worked. On the downside if it doesnt work- I'm doing 50% water changes daily until enough beneficial bacteria grow to consume the ammonia that the fish waste produces- ammonia which is toxic to the fish. Or I'll have dead fish. Fingers crossed that the bacteria reproduces on its own. My impatience may cost me here. The boys had a time in the fish store. We went into Nashville to a place called Aquatic Critter-it's been there like 25 years. It was the only place I could locate the SafeStart. I dont know why no one carries it. I guess because it doesnt require adding it to every water change-therefore they can't sell it as often. Unlike your pet superstores the small store just specializes in fish. The boys were in overload excitement at all the fish & "critters." There were frogs, turtles, salt and freshwater fish of all sizes and stingrays- both of them about jumped out of their skin trying to look at everything. I couldnt contain them. WC now wants a snail for the aquarium. I've promised him I'd research it and see if its a viable option for our tank.

The fourth of July was a nice day too. We didnt really do anything. Jay cooked hamburgers and my sister came for dinner bringing cake and sparklers. Fireworks in my town is a big deal. We only have enough people to have one liquor store- the ability to sell alcohol by the bottle just passed in the last election. But we can have 50 fireworks vendors setup in any grassy area big enough to pitch the tent. It's nuts. That night we stood in the driveway and was treated to a 360 view of fireworks exploding all around us. It sounds like a war zone- with the smoke to match. And thankfully it started to rain about 9:30 which meant most people had to put it away- otherwise they would have shot them off until the wee hours of the morning. I'm just now getting used to it. The first year we lived there the people who lived across the street shot fireworks for three hours straight. It sounded like cannons being shot directly in front of our house. And the next morning we had the yard litter to match- even in the back yard. 

I'm thankful that I was able to take last week off and spend it at home with my boys. I'll take what time I'm granted. I'm thankful that I do have a job with good benefits- lots of people right now don't. There's something else out there for Jay, that's better. And when the times right, everything will come together. Faith is believing without any proof.

At Home-Part 3: Elmo is Toddler Crack

Tuesday night I went to store after I'd put CJ to bed. We were planning a trip to our local splash pad water park the next day & CJ needed swim diapers. In our back yard he goes au naturale to play in the wading pool but that wouldnt fly in public. I put one of the swim diapers on him from last year but he looked like a sumo wrestler. I love to go for a drive on a cool summer night. It's so relaxing. I just love to roll down the windows and let the night air hit me. It reminds me of whenever we'd travel when I was a kid. We didnt vacation much but the few times we did we travelled by night. My dad worked nights all of my childhood and into early teens. So it was normal for him to be awake all night. Obviously its cooler and with less traffic made it the best choice for us. This was in the day before car seats and the seat belts were just decoration (beginning suggestion that people should wear them). Mom put pillows and blankets in the backseat and I would lay down and eventually drift off to sleep in the cool night air and the sound of the street and radio combined in a strange sort of lullaby. Jay complained I'd been gone for an hour but I could have stayed out much longer. CJ had gotten out of bed, he told me. He heard him fiddling with the door handle but couldnt open it. "Did you put him back to bed?"
"No." Therefore when we went to take WC to bed we had no idea where we'd find CJ in the room. I hoped he hadnt gotten in WC's bed. Jay went to open the door and couldnt. CJ was a sleeping human doorstop. Curled up on the floor with his blanket just behind the door. He didnt wake but stirred a little when he has hit with the door. It would clear his head but the security blanket stopped the door. I was able to squeaze in and then WC. When my sister was small she fell asleep in the living room floor and mom woke her taking her to bed and she spent the next few hours screaming, crying and refusing to go back to sleep. I remembered that I left him in the floor. But didnt like it. He slept there all night. Some point in the wee hours of the morn I heard him stirring and he hit the door a couple times. I couldnt go back to sleep.
We have a public park here that has what we call a splash pad. It's basically a small water park without a pool. Fountains that spray water in the air, water cannons, buckets that fill with water and dump it out, and a tunnel that has sprays of water coming in all directions to run through. WC has a thing about getting water in his face and hates to get water in his eyes. Jay took him there last year and he just stood there crying. A few weeks ago, on the way home, we passed it and he said he wanted to try it again. And he's mentioned it a few times after that wanting to try the splash pad again. Since it was his idea, I decided to take them while I was home this week. My sister decided that she wanted to go too. Yesterday morning she arrived and I sprayed the kids with sunscreen and off we went. They had a good time. WC did wonderfully, even allowed the bucket of water to dump out on his head. He still used mine, then Aunt Cat's shirt to dry his eyes but he didnt cry. CJ wanted to go in but didnt let go of my hand. My clothes were soaked through. I eventually convinced him that he could go in under the water and I'd stay right were I was. So he'd go in for a min or two then run back to me, his home base. I stood next to another woman who also had a two year old out there and CJ ran back, water in his eyes, grabbed her leg and stood there holding her. We laughed because he never figured out that it wasnt me. He let go of her and ran back in. They played about an hour and WC decided he was finished. It was a good time. We sat on our towels to dry- although an hour after I got home my undies were still wet (yes I then changed into dry clothes). After lunch I put CJ to nap and Cat and I watched the Twilight movie. I'd never seen it (or read the book) but she's a fan. I don't get it. But the action was good. I know you have to cut things that are in the book out for movie but I felt it was sort of choppy- I could pin point places where I knew things had to have been cut because the story flow was noticeably interrupted. Being I didnt read the book- that's not good.
Again, last night, we went to put WC to bed and had another human door stop. I dont know why he's getting out of bed and laying down behind his door. This time I did pick him and deposit him gently back into his bed. He stayed asleep. I felt better about it too.
And I have come to the realization that Elmo is a drug for toddlers. He received an Elmo dvd in his Easter basket. He's rarely watched it since. But this week being home with him everyday. He's had to watch it (or at least request it) more and more. We also have an VHS tape of Sesame Street songs (vhs/dvd combo player in our bedroom) and if he can't have the Elmo dvd he starts asking for the Sesame Street tape. Every few hours he gets twitchy and has to have another shot of Elmo. I'm ready to whip that dvd out the door like a Frisbee. I hid the dvd case last night just to see if out of sight out of mind. This morning I woke up to him sitting next to me in bed watching the vhs tape (Jay obviously put it in). I have been getting up the same time I usually do and at least make coffee for Jay. But I was out of it this morning. I can't quite seem to get going this morning. I don't have anything planned for today. Figured we'd just hang out here and I can get some laundry and mopping done (yay).

*Special note: Sending out all my love and prayers to Michele and the beautiful twins her womb, Maya & Bobby. Praise God for the stitch and the doctor who put it in.