The Debate

On several previous occasions I've referred to my youngest child as "peculiar." And in true CJ fashion, he never ceases to amaze me with what he does next. On the positive he doesn't cry for me while being dropped off at daycare/preschool anymore. At church he moved from the nursery to the 2 year old room in August. They move everyone up according to what year they will be in school. Initially, I didn't have as much of an issue leaving him in the 2 yr old room as the nursery- he didn't cry after me. There was a cool train table and other assorted new toys that struck his interest, so off he'd go not the least bit concerned with me. That is until about a month later. One Sunday morning he began to cry when we pulled into the parking lot. He cried the entire trek into the building and to the room. He clung to me when I signed him in and retrieved a pager. I told the girl that once he became interested in something he should be fine and left. Then about 20-25 minutes later- after two songs, a couple prayers, three bible reading and maybe the Nicene Creed later...just as the preacher is starting his deal the pager goes off. I opened the door to find CJ right there. He had to be nose to the door, blanket in hand. The instant he saw it was me, he yelled, "bye." I spoke to the girl briefly who said he wouldn't do anything but scream, they tried everything to get him interested in different things, they tried leaving him alone and still he just screamed, cried and pitched a fit until she told him they were calling his mom. Then he quit and stood right at door like I found him. I really wanted to hear the sermon, so my only option was to take him into the Sanctuary with me. We don't have one those handy cry rooms like some churches- where you can take your unruly tot and still hear the preacher but the rest of the congregation can't hear their ruckus. So in we went and he sat in my lap and did a decent job of being quiet, just grateful to have what he wanted...me. But this incident has set a dangerous precedent. He doesn't want to go back to the nursery at all. And of course at his age he can't sit quietly for the length of the service. Heck, WC doesn't even do that either. He goes to children's program and they come in right before communion. It's difficult for WC to make it through communion quietly. And yet that still doesn't sink in to Jay who stresses out way too much having me bring CJ in with me. The least little noise CJ makes, he's freaking out. Yes, CJ talks in the service. I do correct him. He isn't throwing fits- which he is capable of at the drop of an animal cracker. So Jay & I are at odds over it. I don't think it's a big deal that he makes a little noise during the service. Jay feels that it isn't fair to me to have to deal with him. It doesn't bother me. It's sort of peaceful for me to have him sitting curled up in my lap during the service. I work outside the home 40 hours a week and if my child doesn't want me to leave him when I don't have to then I don't want to. He says I spoil him and maybe I do.

Wasn't it Jesus who said to bring the little children to Him?

And besides if there are people around me who don't want a child in the service then they can go across town to the church that has a sign posted outside of their Sanctuary that reads: No Children Allowed.

Maybe I am wrong and it would be best to try again to make him stay. At least bide myself a little time before they make me come take him, so he doesn't have to sit through the entire service.

Random Nashville

Mt. Olivet Cemetery, Nashville. Founded in 1856.

Ghost Tales

For years I've always wanted to go on a ghost tour. Preferably in Savannah, New Orleans, Charleston or any of the various old cities known for "haunting." The time I visited Savannah it was only for a day and I haven't managed to make it back or to any of the other prime candidates. Last week in our local paper was an article on several local ghost tours in honor of Halloween.
On Friday night Cat & I decided to head out to one after she got off work at her weekend job at a new age bookstore. She neglected to tell me that for work she'd been dressed for Halloween...
The result was I probably brought the scariest thing to the nights event.
We arrive and I drive down the long, dark one lane road through the property. I roll down my window when I reach a man wearing a reflective vest who simply tells me to, "keep going and stay right." Okay. I make a hairpin turn on the dirt road and come to a field. I ask the person at the gate where to park. "Anywhere not to close to the road."
We manage to find our way helped along by a scarecrow with an outstretched arm. We both stared for a minute making sure this thing wasn't a real person. A group of people passed us in the opposite direction- girls clinging to one an other's arms.
After paying our entrance fee we waited on a platform for the next hayride to begin. A young boy pointed at Cat and yelled, "Vampire" and walked quickly in the other direction. I laughed and she punched me in the arm.
I followed two people loading onto the hayride, however before we started they got up and moved down the back of the trailer then the guide came along and made us all move down- so I was stuck next to the butt of the tractor and could barely the hear the guide at the back of the trailer. Off we go through the wooded trails of the property while she told us a bit of the history of the house and gentleman who lived there had been hung by Union Soldiers in the Civil War for the being a spy. During their Civil War reenactments the actors have reported seeing soldiers whose outfits are just a little different than their own- men they don't recognize whom disappear before their eyes. One tale of men yelling for another man to join the festivities in their camp only to be ignored and one man decided to go invite the gentleman personally only to have him evaporate before his eyes.
All tales are supposedly true stories of occurrences that happened to either employees, volunteers or tourists.
Then we arrived at the main house and were greeted by a lady in Victorian era dress who led us to the porch. I loved the color of her skirt- which I didn't notice until lit up by the flash from my camera.

After her story relating that unexplained noises of thumping coming from the cellar underneath that porch and the main entry. she posted a question if it was possibly ghosts of former slaves that worked on the property. A woman behind us said she was already terrified and wondered if she should turn around. Cat & I glanced at each other and she rolled her eyes.

Once inside the foyer of the home built in 1820 it was set up basically the way it would have been when the family was in mourning during that time. The gentleman in period costume on the front staircase told us stories of the sobbing that can be heard from the formal parlor- however the parlor would be empty and quiet whenever staff would investigate.

The formal parlor was setup as it would have been when a body lie in state. I managed to snap off a photo before being informed flash photography inside was not allowed. Then we shuffled room-to-room to listen to stories of "true" encounters. In which lots of them were of hearing footsteps. You'll have to do better than thinking you hear footsteps in a house this age to convince me. There were stories of voices, doors locking, unlocking and being held shut all by themselves. And the woman in the green dress being seen. And an unknown visitor to the grave photographed above. A man dressed in civil war regalia is seen standing in front of it...then he's gone...

Random Nashville

Strawweight???

Ever since he started kindergarten, WC, has begun exhibiting unusual behaviors. I rarely had any trouble out of him in daycare. He never even went through the "terrible two's" The thing that has me most concerned is his new fondness for pushing, shoving, spitting and hitting. I'm not saying he's going to school and picking fights with his classmates. He isn't aggressive but he's decided the way to deal with others who do things that he doesn't care for is to act out physically. For example the latest in the line of skirmishes happened Monday in which the girl whom he'd previously called fat hit him and he retaliated. She immediately runs crying to the teacher who asks him if he hit her. His response was, "Nope, I punched her." And when Jay told him that he shouldn't hit a girl he said, "You should see the size of her belly and arms!" Dude, you seriously have to stop. If I were this little girl, I'd want to squash this little twerp into the ground too.

Once in the Principal's office, WC learned another life lesson- people lie. The Principal asked WC what happened and he put it all out there- she hit him & he punched her. Then she turned to the girl and asked. "Did you hit him?" The girl said no. He was dumbfounded. And hopefully not taking mental notes. Cause on the bright side, at least he's honest about what he's done. The principal did role playing scenarios at the proper responses- such as telling the teacher. WC claims that he "forgets" that is what he is supposed to do. I just think he doesn't want to tell and considers that being a tattle-tale. At this point I've spoken to him, Jay, Cat, his teacher & the principal have all spoken to him. I'm beyond frustrated and really want to turn him over my knee and wear him out. But I don't. Not that I have anything against using spanking as a discipline tool. I believe a parent should discipline their own child in the manner they see fit. And discipline is different from abuse in which I have no tolerance for abusing a child. This isn't a forum for what is right & wrong just a side note to my story. For me spanking seems like it should be a last resort and not done in a moment of total frustration. And doesn't really seem appropriate for this situation- ultimately. We are telling him that he should not hit people when they don't behave in the manner in which he wants. And yet what would I be doing if I were to spank him? So I resist the urge to back hand him.

Over this past summer I decided to enroll WC in karate- for many reasons. And some of those reasons was to help teach him self-control, discipline, respect, confidence, as well as an outlet for energy. Right now it seems the only things learned is the proper way to level someone and confidence to actually do it. Perhaps still lacking the emotional maturity to walk away in the heat of the moment. Last night while he was in class with his favorite instructor, Mr. H. I noticed his other instructor, Ms. C in the office. So I went in for a little chat about WC's recent behavior. She said what they teach in class is to tell the other person to stop and then if they don't then to go tell the nearest adult. Which is the same spiel from the school. But she suggested that she slip a note to Mr. H who would address the issue to the whole class- not single out WC. But just incorporate it into the nights lesson. Perhaps coming from an admired male authority figure- such as Mr. H it would carry a bit of clout and he'd remember. If this doesn't work then they could speak with him one-on-one and ultimately he could lose his belt if he doesn't quit hitting. This is something they take very seriously that the students conduct themselves respectfully and with integrity both in the studio and out in the world.

When the class broke up in groups by rank- WC's group sat on the floor w/ Mr. H and he held about a 15-20 minute discussion with the boys before they ran through their drills. I still don't know what was said. I'll be so grateful if it works. So stay tuned...

 

Winter for a Day

The two times that we have planned an outdoor birthday party for WC, the weather gods do not like it. They don't like it one bit. And since the extreme heat of two years ago wasn't a lasting deterrent- they chose the opposite approach for this year. At party time it was a record 48 degrees, cloudy, gray and windy. The only thing that would have made it worse was snow- that would have been the icing on the cake of a crappy day. I'd held out hope until the morning of the party that it wouldn't be too bad out. But realization hit that morning that this just wasn't going to work. My brain devised an alternate plan- we'd meet at the park and let the kids play a bit then would come back to our home for cake & presents. That was still when the the weather man was stating it would be 55 at 3pm. It never made it to 55. No one except my in-laws arrived at the park. Two friends all called and said their kids were sick and another had forgotten her mom was coming to town for a day. Everyone else was late and just went straight to our house. Party was supposed to start at 3 and guest didn't start showing up until 3:30. We only stayed at the park 15 min, just in case, but it was simply too cold. On the way home from the park I was terrified that this would just be the worst party ever. But I attempted to keep my bad mood from showing. His girlfriend was the first guest to arrive and he was thrilled. Then his cousins (all female) filed in over the next half our. My parents were over an hour late. He and his little brother were the only two males at the party. But they all ran and played. CJ had some trouble adjusting to not having WC's attention only then to be showered by attention by his female cousin being transferred from lap to lap like a doll. After being overloaded by sugar and opening his presents they all had a tissue paper fight with ammo out of the gift bags. It was giggles galore. So after a rocky start he ended up with a wonderful party surrounded by loved ones. We had good conversation, loads of laughs and a big pot of hot coffee.

 

And on a side note- Saturday was the coldest day. Today, Wednesday a whopping 4 days later it is 75, sunny with a beautiful blue sky.

 

Oh, and I still have half a cake left if anyone wants it...

Things That Go Bump in the Night

My nose hurts. All day yesterday my nose felt like someone punched me square on. Then last night I was complaining to Cat that I couldn't figure out why my nose hurt so badly- and there's a lump on the bridge of my nose. The lump is where my eyeglass nose piece sits and now it's quite tender. She burst into laughter and asked if I seriously didn't remember. At that moment it call came screaming back.

The night before when Jay and I turned in for the night she was still watching TV in the family room. We shut our bedroom door.

Now at this point in my life when a child cries out at night I pretty much respond in a auto pilot sort of sleep walk state. Most of the time I don't even open my eyes until I get to their room- across the hall. And only have a vague recollection of it the next morning. Usually for CJ at this point, it's just covering him back up and returning to bed.

Now, it seems at some point it the wee hours of Thursday morning, CJ cried out and I responded as usual. Only this time I slammed face first into the closed bedroom door. I recall becoming aware that I was standing at the door wondering what the hell just happened. And it took me a minute or so to figure it out. It woke up Jay and it seems Cat as well. And to hear her tell it she went from a sound sleep to standing straight up it scared her so badly. She at first couldn't figure out what the loud thud was either. It seems I went in and explained to her that I'd run into the back of the door- but I don't remember doing this.

CJ settled back down and I never did have to go in and tend to him...or so I think.