Pray For Michele

My dearest friend Michele is in need of prayers. Please lift her up:
http://mylifeafterloss.blogspot.com

Unexpected Day Home

After a week off, I was back at work for two days and now I'm gone again. Yesterday morning my sister began experiencing abdominal pain- the kind that makes one double over. She went to her primary doc who ended up sending her to a gyno. It was a trip that would end in the ER last night and an emergency appendectomy around midnight. She came through with flying colors and is being released this morning. I spoke to my mom around 9:30 this morning and she said that even though she'd been up most of the night I could still bring CJ and go on in to work. But she also kept telling me the same things repeatedly and sounded very drowsy. I decided she really needed to rest today. Not that I mind being home- but I also dont want to burn another vacation day- less to have at Christmas. But with my sister coming home from the hospital- I figure they could both use a quiet house for the day. At the end of August CJ is scheduled to start three days a week the same preschool program WC has gone to since he was two. So it will be slightly freeing not to have to miss work if mom can't care for CJ- at least on Mon, Wed or Fri.
Tomorrow is test day for the aquarium. I picked up one of the big master test kits- touted on the Fish Lore website as being more accurate than the strips. I'm going to experiment and test w/ both and see how the results on the strip compare with the big kahuna. I practiced last night using the PH test on my tap water and discovered my tap water is very alkaline. I'm interested to see how it compares with the tank water. I'll be testing PH, Ammonia, Nitrite and Nitrate. And I'm hoping the beneficial bacteria has successfully seeded in the aquarium. Fingers crossed. If all readings are appropriate I'm supposed to wait a week before changing water- if not I'll have to start changes immediately.

Back to Reality

Today, I'm back to working in my cubicle. It was a nice break. I hated to come back. I do wish last week was my reality every day. And this August it should have been. I was supposed to quit this August- stay home with CJ and take WC back and forth to kindergarten. But life hasnt worked out the way we planned. Jay's pay has been cut. Which in itself isn't the sole reason why I can't quit. It's the health insurance. We can't afford his employers health insurance- especially on one income. Mine is affordable and good. His would make it impossible to take the kids to the doctor because we'd have to pay out of pocket the entire cost of every visit until we hit the deductible of like $6k on top of paying $500 a month in premium. In weighing the pro's and con's- I feel its in their best interest to have health care that doesnt force us to choose whether or not to eat or what bills to pay. We run a tight enough budget weekly as is. I dont think either of them suffer from me working. It's totally selfish of me. I want to see them more than just a few hours in the evening. It was difficult for me to drop CJ off this morning. He loves his grandmother- so he was fine with it. Again, it's totally me.

We ended our week at home together by buying fish for our new tank. We now own 8: 4 black neon tetras and 4 black skirt tetras. I got impatient waiting for the tank to cycle. I discovered the product called cycle that i added would not reproduce on its own in the tank & I would have to add it for the life of the tank- else my cycle would crash and in the end cost more money. So I found some Tetra SafeStart. This stuff is supposed to introduce the beneficial bacteria in the tank and reproduce on its own. You add it and the fish. In a week to ten days test the water & see if it worked. On the downside if it doesnt work- I'm doing 50% water changes daily until enough beneficial bacteria grow to consume the ammonia that the fish waste produces- ammonia which is toxic to the fish. Or I'll have dead fish. Fingers crossed that the bacteria reproduces on its own. My impatience may cost me here. The boys had a time in the fish store. We went into Nashville to a place called Aquatic Critter-it's been there like 25 years. It was the only place I could locate the SafeStart. I dont know why no one carries it. I guess because it doesnt require adding it to every water change-therefore they can't sell it as often. Unlike your pet superstores the small store just specializes in fish. The boys were in overload excitement at all the fish & "critters." There were frogs, turtles, salt and freshwater fish of all sizes and stingrays- both of them about jumped out of their skin trying to look at everything. I couldnt contain them. WC now wants a snail for the aquarium. I've promised him I'd research it and see if its a viable option for our tank.

The fourth of July was a nice day too. We didnt really do anything. Jay cooked hamburgers and my sister came for dinner bringing cake and sparklers. Fireworks in my town is a big deal. We only have enough people to have one liquor store- the ability to sell alcohol by the bottle just passed in the last election. But we can have 50 fireworks vendors setup in any grassy area big enough to pitch the tent. It's nuts. That night we stood in the driveway and was treated to a 360 view of fireworks exploding all around us. It sounds like a war zone- with the smoke to match. And thankfully it started to rain about 9:30 which meant most people had to put it away- otherwise they would have shot them off until the wee hours of the morning. I'm just now getting used to it. The first year we lived there the people who lived across the street shot fireworks for three hours straight. It sounded like cannons being shot directly in front of our house. And the next morning we had the yard litter to match- even in the back yard. 

I'm thankful that I was able to take last week off and spend it at home with my boys. I'll take what time I'm granted. I'm thankful that I do have a job with good benefits- lots of people right now don't. There's something else out there for Jay, that's better. And when the times right, everything will come together. Faith is believing without any proof.

At Home-Part 3: Elmo is Toddler Crack

Tuesday night I went to store after I'd put CJ to bed. We were planning a trip to our local splash pad water park the next day & CJ needed swim diapers. In our back yard he goes au naturale to play in the wading pool but that wouldnt fly in public. I put one of the swim diapers on him from last year but he looked like a sumo wrestler. I love to go for a drive on a cool summer night. It's so relaxing. I just love to roll down the windows and let the night air hit me. It reminds me of whenever we'd travel when I was a kid. We didnt vacation much but the few times we did we travelled by night. My dad worked nights all of my childhood and into early teens. So it was normal for him to be awake all night. Obviously its cooler and with less traffic made it the best choice for us. This was in the day before car seats and the seat belts were just decoration (beginning suggestion that people should wear them). Mom put pillows and blankets in the backseat and I would lay down and eventually drift off to sleep in the cool night air and the sound of the street and radio combined in a strange sort of lullaby. Jay complained I'd been gone for an hour but I could have stayed out much longer. CJ had gotten out of bed, he told me. He heard him fiddling with the door handle but couldnt open it. "Did you put him back to bed?"
"No." Therefore when we went to take WC to bed we had no idea where we'd find CJ in the room. I hoped he hadnt gotten in WC's bed. Jay went to open the door and couldnt. CJ was a sleeping human doorstop. Curled up on the floor with his blanket just behind the door. He didnt wake but stirred a little when he has hit with the door. It would clear his head but the security blanket stopped the door. I was able to squeaze in and then WC. When my sister was small she fell asleep in the living room floor and mom woke her taking her to bed and she spent the next few hours screaming, crying and refusing to go back to sleep. I remembered that I left him in the floor. But didnt like it. He slept there all night. Some point in the wee hours of the morn I heard him stirring and he hit the door a couple times. I couldnt go back to sleep.
We have a public park here that has what we call a splash pad. It's basically a small water park without a pool. Fountains that spray water in the air, water cannons, buckets that fill with water and dump it out, and a tunnel that has sprays of water coming in all directions to run through. WC has a thing about getting water in his face and hates to get water in his eyes. Jay took him there last year and he just stood there crying. A few weeks ago, on the way home, we passed it and he said he wanted to try it again. And he's mentioned it a few times after that wanting to try the splash pad again. Since it was his idea, I decided to take them while I was home this week. My sister decided that she wanted to go too. Yesterday morning she arrived and I sprayed the kids with sunscreen and off we went. They had a good time. WC did wonderfully, even allowed the bucket of water to dump out on his head. He still used mine, then Aunt Cat's shirt to dry his eyes but he didnt cry. CJ wanted to go in but didnt let go of my hand. My clothes were soaked through. I eventually convinced him that he could go in under the water and I'd stay right were I was. So he'd go in for a min or two then run back to me, his home base. I stood next to another woman who also had a two year old out there and CJ ran back, water in his eyes, grabbed her leg and stood there holding her. We laughed because he never figured out that it wasnt me. He let go of her and ran back in. They played about an hour and WC decided he was finished. It was a good time. We sat on our towels to dry- although an hour after I got home my undies were still wet (yes I then changed into dry clothes). After lunch I put CJ to nap and Cat and I watched the Twilight movie. I'd never seen it (or read the book) but she's a fan. I don't get it. But the action was good. I know you have to cut things that are in the book out for movie but I felt it was sort of choppy- I could pin point places where I knew things had to have been cut because the story flow was noticeably interrupted. Being I didnt read the book- that's not good.
Again, last night, we went to put WC to bed and had another human door stop. I dont know why he's getting out of bed and laying down behind his door. This time I did pick him and deposit him gently back into his bed. He stayed asleep. I felt better about it too.
And I have come to the realization that Elmo is a drug for toddlers. He received an Elmo dvd in his Easter basket. He's rarely watched it since. But this week being home with him everyday. He's had to watch it (or at least request it) more and more. We also have an VHS tape of Sesame Street songs (vhs/dvd combo player in our bedroom) and if he can't have the Elmo dvd he starts asking for the Sesame Street tape. Every few hours he gets twitchy and has to have another shot of Elmo. I'm ready to whip that dvd out the door like a Frisbee. I hid the dvd case last night just to see if out of sight out of mind. This morning I woke up to him sitting next to me in bed watching the vhs tape (Jay obviously put it in). I have been getting up the same time I usually do and at least make coffee for Jay. But I was out of it this morning. I can't quite seem to get going this morning. I don't have anything planned for today. Figured we'd just hang out here and I can get some laundry and mopping done (yay).

*Special note: Sending out all my love and prayers to Michele and the beautiful twins her womb, Maya & Bobby. Praise God for the stitch and the doctor who put it in.

The Verizon Argument

Every month I receive a text message letting me know how much my monthly cell phone bill is because I have it automatically deducted. Usually its the same thing every month. Today the text revealed it was $100 higher. Why? I go online and my usual $5 a month web access was replaced by "megabyte usage." What the hell? I call Verizon and Joe from India initially tells me its for downloads. I know Jay & he didnt download 48 different applications/games, whatever. If he downloaded anything it was a golf game. And I know for a fact that I didn't either and the charges were on my number as well. So the guy types some more and confirms, as I already knew it was for accessing the web. What happened to my $5 a month, per phone, mobile web? It isnt anywhere to be found. He tells me it is for email. Oh no. I go off. I try to be nice on the phone. But to sit there and tell me that I selected an item called mobile web and it's for email is absurd. I demand his manager and he tries to sell me an unlimited access pack for $15 a month- per phone. I didnt ask to be sold another product I want the one I signed up for to begin with. After about twenty minutes of back-n- forth I go online and find on their website a blurb about $5 a month mobile web. He then tells me its not available for my nation wide calling plan. Then why was I allowed to select it when I upgraded my phone two months ago? Basically he then said to me, "I'm sorry for your confusion." I was unable to speak. My blood pressure was prob through the roof. I hung up on him. Otherwise I could of been really ugly.
It dawned on me that Jay upgraded his phone the next month. I bet he did something unknowingly. I called him & asked if he changed our calling plan. He said he didnt do anything knowingly. It seemed like they changed something but he couldnt recall what. He was working. Of course, he was upset when I told him why I was asking. He said I should have taken them up on the $15 thing and asked them to credit the rest and then cancelled it all next month. I told them he could call later and deal with it. I'm too exhausted. I want to throw up. It's amazing how outrage can be tiring. I went and lay down on the couch trying to stave off a brewing headache. The kids had been playing in the kitchen the whole time and have strewn 200 wooden blocks everywhere. But I dont care at the moment. I'm laying there and WC comes up and tells me I need to come see what he built. "It's cool." So I get up and go in there. He's built a small castle out of blocks. He's beginning to get three dimensional with his buildings- it's fun to witness the growth. He told me the castle had legs. And when I asked if it were going to walk off he looked at me like I was crazy. "No, it's made out of blocks and they're not real." I never know where imagination ends and reality begins anymore. The next hour the thing could be galloping all over the kitchen.
I went back to lay down and next thing I know, WC's looking down at me smiling. And the next minute- for unknown reasons- he's trying to lick me and I'm trying to keep him from doing so. We're giggling and wrestling and I'm trying to get him to lick my foot and he's shrieking.
Ya know- life is good after all.

At Home Mommy- Part 2

Last night, after my shower, I wrapped myself in a terry cloth robe and sat down on the toilet lid to dry my feet. And promptly fell asleep. Sitting upright. After a day of cleaning the carpet in our bedroom and rearranging the furniture, laundry, dishes, tending the kids, and finally making dinner and bathing the boys-the word exhausted doesnt quite do it justice. However, it was that good kind of tired where you fall into bed knowing it was worth it.
I decided to take the boys on an outing today. The local movie theatre has a special on Tue & Wed at 10 where they play a kids movie for $2 a person. This weeks selection was Over the Hedge. CJ has never been to a movie theatre before and I am not quite sure if I have been to one since he was born. Jay & WC have seen a couple movies together. But for $6 I'm willing to give it a shot. So we arrive at the theatre a little after 9:30 and get in line for popcorn & drinks. I direct WC to the theatre door, while trying to carry a small popcorn and a drink and coax CJ to follow. And walking through a theatre door is intimidating to a small child who doesnt know what is going on- it's just a dark, uninviting hallway until you reach where it opens into the seating area. WC heads up the steps, thankfully. CJ follows and WC selects an aisle about mid way up. He sits on the end. I put CJ in the seat next me but he doesnt stay. He gets down and stands in the aisle looking around. The theatre fills rapidly and reluctantly I have to give the seat next to me up. I'm extremely uncomfortable sitting next to strangers but it becomes obvious I will not have a choice. And I agree to let a woman w/ three daughters (all older than mine) sit next me. And they were the good choice- one of the young girls sit next to me and she leans into her mother the entire time. Before show time a man comes out and addresses the audience tells us that proceeds from the ticket sales will go to St. Jude (awesome) and with our ticket stubs we get a free kids buffet at the pizza place next door w/ purchase of adult buffet(I know where we're eating lunch). At the beginning of the previews CJ climbs into the seat w/ WC and pulls his croc shoes off and leans back munching out of the bag of popcorn and crossed his feet at the ankles. I wish there had been enough light for my cell phone camera to have taken that pic but it was too dark. It was cute. The kid behind me is pitching a fit and I'm so grateful that it isnt mine. Then I hear the kid say he doesnt want to go home and the fit stops. For the most part mine were good. CJ didnt stay seated the whole time- but at two I didnt expect it. He spilled part of the popcorn into the aisle and became obsessed with picking it up. If we'd been at home he'd just as soon stomped on it. But there he had to pick it up- one kernel at a time. Then he dumped part of a cup of fruit punch down the front of him. He can drink from a straw but hasnt quite grasped that one mustn't turn the cup up. By the end of the movie he was sitting on the stairs poking on the light inside the tube that they use to keep the aisle illuminated. But he was being quiet and hadn't wandered off. The credits rolled and I put his shoes back on and then it was time for pizza. From the theatre to the front door both of them repeatedly chanted "pizza" and they'd eaten half a bag of popcorn. I load them in the car and we went for pizza. At the pizza place I showed the stub and got WC's buffet for free, CJ being two ate for free and my buffet was $4.99. Three drinks and tax later $8 for lunch for all three of us. CJ ate four slices of pizza and a brownie, WC ate five slices, a brownie and a slice of desert pizza that was like an apple crisp. I had four or five slices and the apple pizza too. So I think I got my money's worth.
I'd forgotten how loud theatre's are. It didnt seem to faze the kids but I really dont think it needs to be that loud. I'm showing my age- aren't I?
Everything must have worn them out. CJ went to nap after we got home and WC is sound asleep on the couch. I'm going to enjoy the peace & quiet for a little while.

At Home Mommy- for a week

This week is my parents annual trip to Florida. Which means I don't have a babysitter for CJ. So this is the week I take my vacation from work. Unfortunately Jay doesnt have any paid time off from his job so It's just me and the boys at home. Today's been a busy day of cleaning and I dont plan on that happening everyday. I'm looking for some other activities to do with them over the next few days- just thought i'd get the unpleasant out of the way.

A few weeks ago I mentioned to my sis, Cat, that I was considering setting up a fish aquarium. I had bid on one from ebay and lost by like a dollar. She said that she had a nice big one that I could have. She'd been given a large aquarium with a base for her geco but she had to leave it behind when she'd moved back into my parents house after splitting with dumbo. The geco's living in a smaller aquarium. She and her new friend picked it up last week and delivered it to me. After leak testing it on the back deck for days we brought it in on Saturday. It's been up and running since then sans fish. According to online reading we're supposed to let it "cycle." Now my last fish was a Betta named Clarence. I inherited him 9 years ago when my maternal grandma joined grandpa for canasta in the sky. Clarence lived in her nursing home room and no one else wanted him. So I brought him home and gave him bigger fish bowl on top of the entertainment center. At the time Jay worked for a bottled water company- so Clarence lived in bottled water. And he lived with us about 3 1/2 to 4 years before he went to big fish tank in the sky. I never added any of this stuff that I'm measuring & pouring into the water to help the beneficial bacteria grow. I didnt use a heater or thermometer or a filter. But the kids are ecstatic over this- so I hope I dont kill any fish. WC already has names picked out: Master Yoda & Perry the Platypus. I really didnt want to name them but I'm afraid I have no choice in the matter. After much explaining WC finally understands that we have to make sure the water is good for the fish before we can bring any home. He hasn't asked today. Today the water in the tank has gone from clear to a little cloudy- I assume that's the bacteria bloom I've read about.
I have a little one crying- up from nap & not happy. I must end my post...