Friday, October 8, 2010

Stuff People Say

At the scout camp I ran into a girl (woman) who I used to go to school with. I haven't seen/heard of her in a number of years. She wasn't anyone that I hung around but I'd known her since Junior High. Her kids are older than mine, I recall she said her youngest is eight. We stood before dinner Saturday evening and had that little I know we weren't friends but since I didn't hate you we'll politely catch up chat. When she discovered that WC is my oldest child she said, 'Wow, you certainly waited a long time.' I just kind of giggled and moved on, all the while thinking- really, I was 27 when I had him...that's waiting a long time? The more I thought of the comment, the more it pissed me off. One of my best friends in the world has had a long struggle with fertility and lost three babies to preterm birth. Because of that I'm very cognizant to these types of comments. I personally don't consider myself to have waited a long time. It took a year to get pregnant. I don't consider that any where near a struggle to have a child. Not that I think she meant anything by it. It goes into the slot of perception and experience. She's never had personal experience. But what if she said it to someone who really struggled with fertility, who didn't make the choice to stay childless? The hurt that sort of thoughtless remark could make. I cringe every time someone at work makes a remark to a guy there who has never had children with his wife. He says this is by choice-they don't want them. My thought is to leave him be. If the don't want them, fine. No harm. But what if this is just what they are telling people after years of trying or perhaps one of them simply cannot biologically. What business is it of anyone? We really don't know. I've gone off on a tangent now.
I'll close with one of my favorite quotes, "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato


Michele said...

so true sister... so true.

MoDLin said...

Nice post. Many people "open mouth and insert foot" without thinking and, without malice, it still can be painful for the recipient. We all should try harder here.

Terri Jones said...

I couldn't agree more, MoDLin. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.