Friday, October 26, 2007

An exhausting go of life

My own insignificance is overwhelming me at the moment.
I've been grieving over the loss of my grandparents; i grew up in the house across the street and we were very close. i practically lived with them.
They passed on from this life in February and April, almost 2 months to the day apart. they were married 67 years & lived in the same house for 60 years. He left first, which was a suprise, at 97 he still worked part time where most people thought he was 70. She had dementia and had slowly left us. They still lived in their own home until the day they left this world. They took care of each other; he took care of her when her mind left. The day we buried him she gave up on life. My uncle moved into her house to take care of her & reported that she often yelled out in the middle of the night, "wait for me husband, I'm coming!"
Three weeks before she passed on, i had a dream, someone told me that she didn't have 30 days left here. So when we arrived at my parents house to pick up WC (i was pregnanct w/ CJ) and my mom told me that grandma was gone. I wasn't suprised but was a little rattled that i had dreamed that. Since I was pregnant I dont think i really allowed myself to grieve. Everyone kept telling me not to be upset; so i just didn't face it. Now their house is for sale. And I just cant imagine anyone else living in it. IT'S THEIR HOUSE.
I know that the world has to move on; they are gone and the family can't keep the house.
I asked my dad if i may go back to the house to say goodbye & he said it was fine. Now, with my life, i just havent had the time but i need to. He said to look at the side door to the height chart is still there. I need to grieve; say goodbye.

But WC's asthma has been acting up so much. We haven't has this much trouble since he was hospitalized when he was 2 before we discovered his problems. We have an appointment with his "asthma doctor" tues. CJ's not eating right & has a runny nose. At 5 months I dont think theres much i can do.

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