Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Me vs. Wasp

There isn't a lot out there that I'm afraid of. Bugs, spiders, snakes and even the occasional mouse that would get into our ground floor rental didnt leave me standing on a chair in hysterics. But wasps, on the other hand, freak me out. They fly, have stingers and are quick to anger. I understand that they are not some super evil stinging machine- but this goes into that little pocket of irrationality that exists some where in everyone's mind. Some people have more things crammed into that pocket than others. Wasps are one thing in mine.
Yesterday I'd spent my day home with my boys. After WC's test, we went home and played, lunch, CJ went down for nap. WC and I picked up. He washed the sippy cups in the sink. Then CJ woke up and they went about play. I'd been in the office working on photo's then went back into the kitchen to make them dinner. When I heard it. Buzzing. In the window, trapped between the blinds & the glass- A Wasp- on the inside of my house. In the house with me & my babies. I immediately call Jay. He's still a half an hour away. He tells me to kill it. After all he swats wasps out of the air w/ his hand & then steps on them. Seriously- that would mean I'd have to get close. He tells me to wad up a paper towel & smash it. Was he listening to himself? Nothing between me & a wasp stinger but paper- Man's gone mad. And then what if I miss. Then I have a pissed off wasp coming after me. Use a fly swatter- he tells me. But then I'd have to raise the blinds & risk the thing being loose inside the house. I might wet myself. He was of no help- so I hung up. After I pep talk myself- buck up, be a woman not a wuss. I have to keep it away from my kids. I creep closer to the window & lower the blinds all the way & close them- to hopefully better entrap it. I go back to the office and locate the largest hard bound book I could find- Zondervan's Exhaustive Concordance- about five thousand pages (yes I know- I'm crazy). Return to the kitchen. The wasp is madly beating itself against the window and the blinds. It lands on the inside of the blinds and I watch it crawl around. It appeared as though it was about to crawl between the slats when I slammed it through the blinds with the end of the book. When it occurred to me that the pages were inset a little bit- so I'm only squashing it w/ a little bit of the book. I look & sure enough I have the thing trapped across the midsection to the glass- the blinds have parted and the little bastard's looking at me. So I tilt the book slightly then slam the cover of the book over finishing him off. I dont stop pushing on the book for a minute- I want to make sure when I pull the book away he doesnt come after me (yes, I am crazy). I call Jay to tell him my triumph against the evil wasp and he says to me, "Did you really think it could sting you through a thinner hard bound book?"
Just take away my victory man, take away my victory.

1 comment:

Michele said...

Okay, now the pregnant woman has started peeing herself, I have to go to the potty.

That was the funniest damn thing I've heard all week.

(and for the record, I'm terrified of bees and wasps and anything else that stings! you are not alone!)